where in hell are you from anyway, private?

tank“there’s a place down there where the heads are square”

ah, the mess that is texas. when the lone star state is thought of, clearly at the forefront of that thought is retardation; the state of the union is strong as long as texas is executing and electing retards. if, as gunny sargent hartman duly noted, “only steers and queers come from texas”, what value does texas hold outside of homoeroticism and hamburger? nothing but it’s inducement to ding-a-ding dang my dang-a-long ling long.

is there a better bounce than that found in the works of billy gibbons, dusty hill and frank beard? is there anyone making better music in the united states than omar rodriguez-lopez and cedric bixler-zavala? can penis reconstruction be made any more entertaining than by the butthole surfers? has anyone loved more girls or roaches than willie nelson? could you add to waylon jennings’ list of the two things that make life worth living? has the sky stopped crying for stevie ray vaughan?

“texas has a religion…

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